The Real Problem

A lot of women come to me certain the problem is communication or compatibility or some specific thing he's doing, and while those things can be real sources of stress, they're not the deeper issue. What I see more often is a woman who abandoned herself a little at a time, in ways that felt completely reasonable. Whether she kept the peace instead of saying what she really wanted, or made excuses for him, or fell for who he could become, or made herself so needed that leaving stopped feeling possible.

"As long as I stayed focused on him, I never had to feel how scared I was of not being loved."

You didn't abandon yourself all at once; you just kept making small trades, giving up your honesty for his comfort and your needs for the relationship's stability and your self-respect for the feeling of being connected. There's no shame in any of that, but it won't get you what you want.

Real change doesn't come from figuring everything out, it comes from turning around and seeing what you're avoiding and how you've been abandoning yourself with very subtle strategies, all because you're so afraid of not being loved.

The quiz below is a simple way to start seeing what you've been doing and what it's costing you.